look no pants
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
