I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize