Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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