Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
