so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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