You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
