I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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