I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
