if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
