Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
