can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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