I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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