"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Only a mothe r could love this liver
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
