i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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