I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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