You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
