my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you didnt know i had herpes?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
