i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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