They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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