my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do vagina's smell?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
