i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
