Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
