She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
