You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
