Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
