I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have demons in me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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