dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
