nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
