Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
