That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
