i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
