he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
only you would photoshop your dick
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
