i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
