haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
