Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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