I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wish you could order shots online.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
