I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
