Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
