I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
