I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
