did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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