Pants 0. Shit 1.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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