Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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