Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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