I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
