Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
