I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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