so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
