She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
