R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
