I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Naked. naked and bneed help.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
