that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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