No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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