hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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