Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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