who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
