When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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