I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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