do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
