haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
