im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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