she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
