My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
