apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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