I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize