I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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