if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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