Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
