whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize