problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
