Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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