it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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