Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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