i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
True strength comes from lack of pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
