she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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