I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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