you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
