i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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