mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
