Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
